Have you ever noticed yourself repeating the same painful dynamic again and again—especially in your relationships? Maybe you speak up calmly and nobody listens…until you get angry. Or you withdraw to feel safe, only to end up feeling isolated. These “loops” aren’t random; they’re stories our nervous systems learned early on.
I’ve been exploring one of my own long-standing stories: “In order to be heard, I have to get upset.”
For years, I believed that unless I raised my voice or got visibly angry, my needs and boundaries wouldn’t be taken seriously. This belief was so entrenched it felt like truth. But it was actually a survival pattern from my family of origin—an inherited, unconscious “algorithm” that once kept me safe but now limits my freedom.
How Vicious Cycles Take Hold
When a negative experience repeats (“I’m only heard when I’m angry”), our brain draws black-and-white conclusions: “I always need to get upset” or “I’m never heard if I’m calm.”
From there, the nervous system recruits what Core Energetics calls a forcing current—a strategy for staying in relationship and feeling safe. For some of us that looks like withdrawal or collapse. For others it’s aggression or anxious clinging. Either way, the body stores the energy of survival, and a negative intent forms: “I won’t risk vulnerability. I won’t open my heart. I won’t assert myself kindly.”
This negative intent protects us from perceived danger but also sabotages our deeper needs. We end up recreating the very experiences we fear—a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Recognizing the Loop Is the First Step
By our 30s, 40s, or beyond, most of us can recognize these patterns. Seeing the loop is already an act of freedom. Once we name it, we can begin shifting from a vicious circle into what I call a benign circle—a new loop based on safety, embodiment, and conscious choice.
That shift starts with:
- Reframing the negative experience. Stop treating it as proof of “how it always is.”
- Getting into the body. Release the forcing current stored in your nervous system.
- Practicing new behaviors in a supportive environment so your system learns safety.
Why Somatic Therapy & Core Energetics Help
Core Energetics—the modality at the heart of my somatic therapy practice in Washington DC—works directly with the body’s energy currents. We don’t just talk about patterns; we move them, breathe through them, and integrate the insights emotionally and physically. This approach is especially powerful if you’ve worked with plant medicines or other altered-state practices and want grounded integration in your relationships and daily life.
By combining somatic awareness, relationship-focused coaching, and plant-medicine integration, my sessions and workshops create space for you to:
- Uncover the hidden stories shaping your relationships.
- Release nervous-system patterns of fight, flight, or freeze.
- Practice new ways of asserting boundaries and receiving support.
- Experience more freedom, creativity, and life force.
Join Me for the Wednesday Series
If you’re ready to explore these concepts in real time and practice new ways of showing up, I invite you to my Wednesday Series of online workshops. Each session is just one hour, accessible from anywhere, and dives into themes like autonomy and connection, reclaiming your pleasure as medicine, presence vs. dissociation in ceremony, and much more.
These gatherings are intimate, experiential, and designed for courageous, big-hearted souls who want to rewrite limiting patterns and bring more vitality into their lives and relationships.
➡️ Reserve your spot for the Wednesday Series here.
Spaces are limited so each participant has the support they need.
