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What Is Ceremony (and How to Be in It)

Ceremony isn’t about taking something and waiting for an experience to happen. Ceremony is presence. It’s taking time and space to be with ourselves, with each other, with Spirit — and being with whatever is arising in the moment.

When we are truly present, connection happens. And this applies not only to ceremonies, but to life. The more we practice being in ceremony, the more life itself becomes ceremony.

As a somatic therapist trained in Core Energetics, my work is all about helping people feel. Most of us are experts at not feeling. We numb, avoid, distract — anything to not face the pain or the memories that live in the body. But presence, feeling, breath, and consciousness are all different words for the same thing: Life Force.

When we cut off feeling, we cut off our energy. That is where trauma lives — in the places where we say “no more feeling.” Trauma isn’t only what happened to us; it’s the experience of powerlessness that gets frozen in the body. Healing happens when we become active participants in our own process, reclaiming our power and allowing energy to move again.

In many indigenous medicine traditions, healing is not passive. The person is not a “patient.” The plants are teachers, allies that meet us to support our healing journey. Working with Maestro Alonso del Río — a master of consciousness and plant medicine — offers the rare opportunity to experience this healing work in its original depth and integrity.

If you feel the call to work with the plants in this way, and undergo a deep healing process for the body, mind and spirit, you can learn more here about our upcoming traditional Amazonian Master Plant Dieta in Peru.
👉 https://mailchi.mp/therisingjourney.com/96ihtwzrpz

Plant medicine integration included!

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Pleasure as Medicine: Reclaiming the Flow of Life Force

Pleasure is the biggest medicine we have. It’s our birthright—our connection to spirit, to ourselves, to our bodies, to emotion, and to each other. In somatic therapy, we understand that pleasure is more than a fleeting feeling; it’s a pulse of life force moving through matter. It tells us when energy flows freely and when it’s blocked.

At its highest frequency, pleasure is simply movement—life moving through us. It feels good when energy moves, and heavy when it doesn’t. Feeling, in this sense, is the body’s deepest intelligence.

The Three Energy Fields of Pleasure

In Core Energetics, we work with three distinct energy fields: the Mask, the Lower Self, and the Higher Self. Each has its own relationship to pleasure.

The Mask: Performing for Love

The mask is the persona we wear to be accepted. Its language is “What must I do to be loved?”
Pleasure here is performative—something to achieve or prove. Sex becomes mechanical, a release rather than connection. We “get it over with,” but the body doesn’t feel alive.
This is where people dissociate, fake orgasms, or give themselves away to feel wanted. The mask keeps things flat. But beneath it lies enormous vitality—life force waiting to move.

Taking off the mask takes courage. Yet if you have a pulse, you have eros, attraction, magnetism. You have everything needed for real pleasure—just waiting underneath.

The Lower Self: The Raw Charge of Separation

The lower self is the energy of “I’ll hurt you before you hurt me.” It’s primal, charged, and can express as what we might call “negative pleasure.”
This energy isn’t bad—it’s powerful. It’s the raw animal of the body, seeking sovereignty and control. Many people secretly long for this energy to return to their sexuality—the force, the dominance, the ravaging passion—expressed consciously and consensually.

In somatic therapy sessions here in Washington DC, I often guide clients to feel impact—to punch a cushion, move, sound, express. When we feel our own impact, we feel our power again.
Lower-self pleasure lives in the pelvis. It’s the “I”—the seat of survival, rhythm, and sovereignty. This pleasure is juicy and embodied but still dualistic: me versus you. It’s not yet unity, but it’s deeply alive.

The Higher Self: Heart and Pelvis in Union

At the core is the Higher Self—the energy of love, unity, and connection. Pleasure here is the meeting of heart and pelvis, love and sexuality, spirit and matter.

Many people carry what we call the pelvic–heart split. We can have fiery sex with a stranger but lose desire once love enters. Early shame, trauma, or cultural messages often taught us that love and sex can’t coexist.
Healing this split means reconnecting vulnerability and pleasure—staying open without losing ourselves.

Higher-self pleasure is a full-body experience. The energy rises through the entire system, releasing, healing, expanding. Orgasm here can bring tears, laughter, or a sense of spiritual connection. It feels like being completely alive.

As Eva Perakis wrote in the Pathwork teachings, “Pleasure is the movement of God within matter.” And Alexander Lowen said, “Our ability to surrender to pleasure is the measure of mental health.” Wherever energy is stuck, it’s our invitation to move again.

Pleasure and Plant Medicine

Personal growth often begins in pain—a trauma, a sense of disconnection, a longing for more. Pain propels healing, but so does pleasure. When we experience pleasure fully, energy begins to flow into the blocked places.

Pleasure, like plant medicine, moves consciousness. It infuses our being with awareness, bringing up what needs to open. Both are pathways of life energy returning to wholeness.

Ask yourself: What is my medicine of pleasure?
Is it dancing, music, breath, intimacy, or solitude? Self-pleasure? Ritual? Celebrate whatever brings you alive—and invite more of it.

The Languages of Energy

Each level speaks its own language:

The Mask says, “I can’t.”
The Lower Self says, “I won’t.”
The Higher Self says, “I want to.”

Empowerment begins when “I can’t” reveals “I won’t,” and the truth of “I want” can emerge. Desire is holy—it’s what pulls life through us.

Even the simplest act—doing one thing each day that you truly want—rekindles vitality. Desire, honored consciously, awakens erotic energy and brings pleasure back online.

Self-Pleasure as Self-Connection

Mask self-pleasure: quick, mechanical, just to discharge energy.
Lower-self self-pleasure: charged, a little “dirty,” thrilling, primal.
Higher-self self-pleasure: a ritual of self-love. Full-body, heart-connected, intentional. It’s a prayer to feel love and pleasure as your birthright.

Be your own best lover. Treat your body with reverence. Let pleasure be the way you come home to yourself.

The Invitation

Pleasure is medicine because it moves life force where it’s been frozen. It connects heart, body, and spirit. It restores the truth that we are meant to feel good—not as escape, but as alignment with life itself.

If you find yourself disconnected from pleasure—stuck in performance, shame, or numbness—this is the work I do. Through somatic therapy, Core Energetics, and plant medicine integration here in Washington DC, I help people return to their bodies, dissolve the armor, and open again to life.

💫 If this resonates, reach out. Let’s explore how pleasure can become your medicine.

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Sovereign and Connected: A Somatic Approach to Relationships and Core Energetics

There’s a moment I see in almost every session — and I’ve lived it in my own body too. It’s the tug-of-war between two primary human needs: our need for connection and our need for autonomy.

We’re taught that these needs are opposites. Either we merge and risk losing ourselves, or we stand alone and risk losing love. But what if that isn’t true? What if the path to deeper connection actually begins with sovereignty — and what if sovereignty itself is only fully realized through connection?

This is the heart of my work as a somatic therapist and Core Energetics practitioner in Washington DC: guiding people to feel what’s happening inside their bodies, where those two needs collide, and helping them discover a third way — one where we can be both sovereign and deeply connected.

Needs begin in the body

When we’re in the womb, we have no needs. Everything is provided. But once we’re born, life becomes a series of needs — food, warmth, regulation, love. And very early on, we learn strategies to get those needs met.

A baby who cries and isn’t immediately fed learns something powerful: if loud expression doesn’t bring comfort, maybe silence will. This is the beginning of what Core Energetics calls the mask — the adaptive layer of personality we create to stay in connection and survive. It’s not bad; in fact, it’s brilliant. But the mask flattens our life force, dulls our aliveness, and hides the deeper truths living underneath.

Beneath the mask is the lower self — the primal “No” that wants to protect sovereignty at all costs. Beneath that is the higher self — the unified field of love, creativity, wisdom, and joy. Most self-help books speak to the higher self, but you can’t think your way there. You have to feel your way there — through the body.

Life force and pleasure

When energy moves freely through the body, we feel pleasure. Pleasure isn’t frivolous — it’s the natural state of a flowing life force. When that energy is blocked, we feel tension, numbness, collapse. Much of somatic therapy is about learning to sense and follow this flow, so we can access the deeper parts of ourselves — creativity, intuition, empathy, power.

And that means we have to feel — especially the feelings we’d rather avoid. Trauma, after all, is a pattern of tension created to keep us from feeling something that once felt unbearable. The body tightens to protect us, but that protection can last decades, even lifetimes, cutting us off from joy, connection, and possibility.

A client story: longing for connection, needing sovereignty

One client told me that being in a relationship is what makes him feel most alive. “Great,” I said. “Let’s practice aliveness now.” We stood up, stomped, and moved. But instead of energy rising, his body wanted to collapse.

When I asked about that, he said, “I just want to fall on the couch and do nothing. I feel small and helpless.”

The mind was longing for connection. The body was begging for sovereignty — rest, space, self-nourishment. And here’s the truth: no one wants to be in relationship with a collapsed person. Until he honored what his body was truly saying, any connection he entered would come from depletion rather than fullness.

This is why working with the body matters. Our cognitive stories often point in one direction, while our somatic reality tells a deeper truth.

Emotions as messengers

When a need isn’t met, a feeling arises. Core Energetics works with four primary emotions: anger, sadness, fear, and joy. These are hardwired into us — even babies recognize them on their caregivers’ faces. How we respond to those emotions in ourselves and others becomes the blueprint for how we relate.

If my anger wasn’t welcomed as a child, I may shut down or lash out when anger arises now. If sadness felt unsafe, I might rush to fix it instead of allowing it. But emotions are not enemies — they’re messages from the body about where our needs are being met or thwarted. Joy says, “This is working.” Anger says, “A boundary’s been crossed.” Sadness says, “Something matters.” Fear says, “Something here needs care.”

When we refuse these messages — because they feel dangerous, or because we were taught not to have them — we invest enormous life force in keeping them down. That energy could be fueling creativity, connection, and love.

The anxious–avoidant dance

This dynamic shows up vividly in what’s often called the anxious–avoidant trap. One partner grasps for closeness (“Don’t leave me!”), the other pulls away (“I need space!”). On the surface, they look opposite. Underneath, both are protecting themselves from the same fear: that their needs won’t be met.

Often (though not always), this maps onto gendered conditioning: the “feminine” energy seeks connection; the “masculine” guards freedom. But this isn’t about identity — it’s about energy polarity. And both defenses block the vulnerability required for intimacy.

The way out isn’t convincing the other to change. It’s doing our own work — staying present with our sensations, tolerating the discomfort, and letting the body guide us to a response instead of a reaction. When one person raises their frequency, the old pattern can’t keep looping. Either the relationship evolves, or it dissolves — and either way, you grow.

Want vs. need: the 80/20 rule

Here’s a simple practice: when you’re triggered, assume 20% is about now and 80% is about then.

Maybe you’re furious the trash wasn’t taken out. The trash is real (20%), but the depth of your rage may come from an old wound about not being supported (80%). If you follow the emotion down — beyond the mask, beyond the blame — you’ll likely find a younger part of you still aching to be met. That’s the work.

The third way

Autonomy and connection aren’t opposites. They’re partners in the same dance. When I strengthen my sovereignty, I become more available for deep connection. When I cultivate true connection, I feel safe enough to be fully myself.

Real relationships — with partners, friends, family, or community — are built not on strategies or masks but on the courage to feel. The courage to stand still in the body’s “No.” The courage to stay with the pounding heart of “Yes.” The courage to say, “I’m terrified,” and breathe anyway.

That is the work I guide people through every day in my somatic therapy and Core Energetics practice here in Washington DC: learning to feel again, so we can live again. And from that aliveness, to love — without losing ourselves.

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The Third Way: Sovereign and Connected (A Somatic Love Story)

There’s a moment I see in almost every session—and I’ve lived it in my own body too.

Two people who love each other are locked in a familiar dance. One reaches for closeness; the other edges toward the door. Words pile up. The room gets louder or quieter—either way, the nervous system is shouting: “I’m not safe.”

We’re taught there are only two doors: keep the relationship and lose ourselves, or keep ourselves and lose the relationship. There’s a third way—a path where we become more sovereign and, paradoxically, more connected. This is the heart of my work in somatic therapy and Core Energetics here in Washington DC.

A story from the room

A couple sits across from me. One can’t stop talking; the other has gone stone-still. I ask them to pause words and do something odd: both place their feet on the ground and feel ten exhales, longer out than in. We let the silence thicken. Shoulders drop. Color returns to cheeks. The one who went quiet says, “I’m scared.” The talker whispers, “I’m angry and lonely.” We haven’t solved anything yet—but we’ve come back into bodies. And when bodies return, choice returns.

Why it gets so hard

When we’re triggered, the brain doesn’t care about our communication scripts. The empathy center goes offline, the survival center takes the wheel, and the best “tools” feel far away.

So the first move isn’t perfection. It’s return—coming back to the body quickly.

In practice, “return” looks like doing anything different than the pattern: clap, step outside for 60 seconds, switch from water to a sip of juice, touch a doorframe and name five sensations. Novelty breaks the trance just enough for your body to remember: I’m here. I have options.

The two needs underneath

Under every argument live two primal needs:

Autonomy (sovereignty, “I am me”)
Connection (belonging, “We are us”)

Most of us were trained to treat them like rivals: if you get closeness, you’ll lose yourself. If you keep yourself, you’ll lose love. In a regulated system, they feed each other. The steadier I am in me, the safer I am to open to you. That’s the third way.

A somatic check-in you can use today

When waves rise, try this sequence. It’s the backbone of my practice:

Name the primary emotion. (Anger, sadness, fear, or joy.)
Locate it. Where is it in your body?
New or familiar? If familiar, it’s bigger than the trash not being taken out.
How old do I feel? Let your body answer; then love that age.
Give it one sentence. “I need to know I matter.”
Return to contact: feel your feet; exhale longer than you inhale for six breaths; soften your jaw and tongue.

Speaking from the “I”

When you finally talk, keep it humble and precise:

“I notice I’m activated.”
“I want to own I’m in an old story.”
“I can circle back in 30 minutes.”

Then use reflective listening. One person speaks; the other repeats back what they heard, then asks, “Did I get that?” Most of us realize we weren’t hearing each other—we were hearing our history. When we feel heard, nervous systems settle.

Move the charge, don’t bottle it

Core Energetics uses structured movement to move charge through and out:

Anger: stand, feet wide. On an exhale, press your hands into a wall and let sound out.
Fear: shake your hands, then arms, then legs for a minute. Let the micro-shakes travel up your spine.
Grief: fold over a pillow and allow three heavy, jaw-soft sob-breaths.

It’s not about “doing it right”; it’s about letting energy move so the body can rejoin the conversation.

What this work is (and isn’t)

It isn’t a three-week hack to “never fight again.” Those trenches in your nervous system were carved over years. This is slower and more honest. It’s not about flawless behavior; it’s about repair—coming back sooner, feeling more, blaming less, and telling the truth with your body in the room. And when it lands, there’s a wide, quiet joy: you say, “I’m scared,” and someone stays. You feel your own spine and your own heart at the same time. That’s the third way.

Interested? Join me next Wednesday

Our next Wednesday workshop—“The Dance of Autonomy & Connection”—is coming up on Wednesday, October 8, 2025 (Online, Zoom, 1 hour). We’ll explore how autonomy and connection strengthen one another, and you’ll leave with somatic tools you can use the same day.

Register Here: https://www.therisingjourney.com/events/

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Breaking Free from Recurring Patterns: A Somatic Perspective

Have you ever noticed yourself repeating the same painful dynamic again and again—especially in your relationships? Maybe you speak up calmly and nobody listens…until you get angry. Or you withdraw to feel safe, only to end up feeling isolated. These “loops” aren’t random; they’re stories our nervous systems learned early on.

I’ve been exploring one of my own long-standing stories: “In order to be heard, I have to get upset.”

For years, I believed that unless I raised my voice or got visibly angry, my needs and boundaries wouldn’t be taken seriously. This belief was so entrenched it felt like truth. But it was actually a survival pattern from my family of origin—an inherited, unconscious “algorithm” that once kept me safe but now limits my freedom.

How Vicious Cycles Take Hold

When a negative experience repeats (“I’m only heard when I’m angry”), our brain draws black-and-white conclusions: “I always need to get upset” or “I’m never heard if I’m calm.”
From there, the nervous system recruits what Core Energetics calls a forcing current—a strategy for staying in relationship and feeling safe. For some of us that looks like withdrawal or collapse. For others it’s aggression or anxious clinging. Either way, the body stores the energy of survival, and a negative intent forms: “I won’t risk vulnerability. I won’t open my heart. I won’t assert myself kindly.”

This negative intent protects us from perceived danger but also sabotages our deeper needs. We end up recreating the very experiences we fear—a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Recognizing the Loop Is the First Step

By our 30s, 40s, or beyond, most of us can recognize these patterns. Seeing the loop is already an act of freedom. Once we name it, we can begin shifting from a vicious circle into what I call a benign circle—a new loop based on safety, embodiment, and conscious choice.

That shift starts with:

Reframing the negative experience. Stop treating it as proof of “how it always is.”
Getting into the body. Release the forcing current stored in your nervous system.
Practicing new behaviors in a supportive environment so your system learns safety.

Why Somatic Therapy & Core Energetics Help

Core Energetics—the modality at the heart of my somatic therapy practice in Washington DC—works directly with the body’s energy currents. We don’t just talk about patterns; we move them, breathe through them, and integrate the insights emotionally and physically. This approach is especially powerful if you’ve worked with plant medicines or other altered-state practices and want grounded integration in your relationships and daily life.

By combining somatic awareness, relationship-focused coaching, and plant-medicine integration, my sessions and workshops create space for you to:

Uncover the hidden stories shaping your relationships.
Release nervous-system patterns of fight, flight, or freeze.
Practice new ways of asserting boundaries and receiving support.
Experience more freedom, creativity, and life force.

Join Me for the Wednesday Series

If you’re ready to explore these concepts in real time and practice new ways of showing up, I invite you to my Wednesday Series of online workshops. Each session is just one hour, accessible from anywhere, and dives into themes like autonomy and connection, reclaiming your pleasure as medicine, presence vs. dissociation in ceremony, and much more.

These gatherings are intimate, experiential, and designed for courageous, big-hearted souls who want to rewrite limiting patterns and bring more vitality into their lives and relationships.

➡️ Reserve your spot for the Wednesday Series here.

Spaces are limited so each participant has the support they need.

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8 Life Lessons from my Divorce.

Originally published in The Elephant Journal here.

Never in a million years did I imagine I would end up divorced.

Marriage, kids, a life together, it seemed like I had it all. Until slowly, I realized how unhappy I was, how small I felt, and how unhealthy the dynamic was for all of us, including our kids.

It all unraveled and fell apart despite my best efforts. At the time, it felt like death, and in a way, it was.

Now, three years on, I take stock of the lessons I learned from my divorce—this cataclysmic shift in my life:

1. Pain can propel growth if we allow it.

Whether we like it or not, pain forces us to feel, and the feelings guide us home and into powerful transformation. I could have numbed the pain, but choosing to feel it allowed me to confront many of my own shadows and move through them. The pain can be a source of powerful transformation—let’s not be afraid to feel the fire of transformation!

2. Putting one foot in front of the other can traverse miles.

Sometimes there are no good decisions, and the vision is blurred. When going through the dark tunnel of divorce, it was easy to get overwhelmed, not knowing what the end result would be. Would I end up better or worse off? Learning to break down big problems into small steps—the daily, weekly choices that feel aligned—helped me to process, see the big picture, and come out stronger.

3. Getting help is essential.

Life is like a ladder. We all need help to go higher, and we can also pull others up from the rung below. There is so much societal pressure to not show our pain, to keep it all looking pretty on the surface. I kept so much tucked away, and yet every time I asked for help, a burden was lifted. Opening up to trusted friends and hiring a therapist was a lifeline. Most often, all we need to self-regulate and feel better is to feel seen and heard. I learned that showing up as I am, with all of my stuff, makes me feel more connected to others.

4. Investing in ourselves.

Hands down, the best money and time I’ve ever spent has been on personal healing and growth. My divorce has taught me to invest in myself, because not only do I feel happier in my life, but I feel more empowered to make changes that allow for more joy, connection, and abundance. Investing in yourself is a paradigm shift away from staying small.

5. There are no wrong decisions. Ever.

No matter how hard the current situation is and how awful the choices that led to it may seem, they were not wrong. I now see everything in my life as an opportunity for growth and change, especially the hard stuff. We are always doing the best that we can within our circumstances. I’ve learned to forgive myself again and again and to be grateful for all the choices that led me to this place of choosing growth.

6. We repeat the old relating patterns until we do the work to stop.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but until we do the hard work of facing and moving through our wounding, the same pain points are going to show up in relationships, no matter how hard we try to pick a different person.

We were wired from a young age to relate and get our needs met in a certain way. And we rinse/repeat in unconscious cycles, wondering why our “picker is off.” It’s not about the other person; it’s all inside us. It’s about doing the work—hiring a therapist, a coach, going to training shifts our patterns. No one else can do it for us.

7. Taking responsibility for everything in our life.

It’s easy to blame the other person for the pain we feel—for the unhappiness in our lives. If only they change, it will be better. This cycle of blaming and shaming the other only perpetuates our own unhappiness and leaves us stuck in a victimhood mentality.

We are not victims; we are sovereign beings, and our happiness is in our own hands. When we start taking responsibility for our lives, we take back our power to create our lives on purpose.

8. It’s never too late for anything.

Career change at 36? Best decision ever. Singing lessons at 39 for the first time in my life? Absolutely. A new relationship that supports my personal growth, and is what I broadly imagined for myself as a young adult? I found it.

The most important lesson I learned is that it’s never too late to do things differently: to show up for myself, to make amends, to create, to learn, to love.

In fact, it is only when we grow and expand that life slows down, opens up, and magic starts flowing.

Our lives are the most precious gift we have, and all endings lead to new beginnings. Always.

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